here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
