Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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