And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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