don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
