Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
