Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
