thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
