it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize