Barsexuality is the new black.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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