Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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