singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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