my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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