i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
