please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
