I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
