we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it glows. i had to have it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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