I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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