my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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