i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
