Swine flu. Run for my life!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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