I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
