I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
