don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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