So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
