My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
