So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
