I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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