that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wear drunk well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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