the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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