I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize