got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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