I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize