Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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