What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
