Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
