my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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