the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
