Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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