So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
