3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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