hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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