hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
