so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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