two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
