we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
