what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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