I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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