nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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