I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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