You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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