Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
