I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
