I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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