On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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