I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
