im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
