I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
