i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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