I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
