I skipped work to stalk him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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