You were right. It hurts to walk today.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize