the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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