My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
