someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
