please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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