You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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