Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
