Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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