There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My balls are so social today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
