I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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