Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
