I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
