There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
