my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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