You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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