I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
