just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
