I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize