He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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