bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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