He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
