A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
