I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
