How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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