Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize