i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize