i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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