farters have to be the big spoon...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
