Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
