How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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