My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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