i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
