so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
