I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i think my cat just said my name.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
