on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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