yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
