So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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