Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
