what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
